playing th role

this mess of expectations and envormental stresses brought by cultural ,istutional or simpley forces give the recpient

what im trying to get at is that poeple have almost constant envormental strees that shape who they are and who( what cahrters) they want to be.
i can connect to this preety well and it is that i was raised in a hispaic family every one but poeple around my age speak spainish iv'e come to next to resent it now. ive tryed mixing in to it tryed makeing myself in to that identiity but im sick of it, i wont fit. i tryed to listen to the music pretend to care over things that i never did like how to say this curse word or ask some thing ive never had to ask for even in english. after being soaked in it for most my life i think i have a good understanding of it. i mean it is kinda racist and massageist under the suit of sexy and happy when it is not. this rant i just vomited on to you screen and now your eyesn is my own personal struggle with my identity and to be cool to the poeple who know me best my family. i mean i have gotten things like " you need to tan. to look like a real puerto rican" and "how can you be puerto rican if you dont speak spainish???" why my skin color or what sounds i make out of my mouth have to do with what land mass my family came from i dont know. but i know that it is a shaping that your this race or class so you are this charter! you are that puerto rican guy! so why do you like this music or read . this evormetal bashing from all angles school , home and just any were have effected me terrmendisly. i dont really identify with a race any more like i know what im "suppose" to be and i dont like it so i do some thing else to be cool or excepted in some way so i rejected it and tryed to be some other kind of cool. i wonder what made me sick of it was it some thing else i was fed that i haven't accounted for? like a worm in some rotten pork that ate all the shit so i didnt have to??


what i was expected to be.

i could see my self as a nationlist or rather understand why i would. im sure this happens to poeple all over i mean they have a parade and it is like i feel so easy to control these poeple they will buy what ever belive what ever as long as it fits to there charter that is based racshal and nationaistlic ideals it is easy to see how they can be absobed and pulled to be what ever. i mean this is why we see some asians reading anime and blacks playing basket ball or what ever becuase they have been sold thorugh idoals of racshal ideals. maybe people are sperated by the color of an organ and are given ways to look at other people with differnt colored organs and how they should act according to poeple who are also in the same colored organ catagori. that these sepertaion do not empower but weaken and leave grips for who to control. that the reason why we see more races do other things is because it is thaught to the person that it is cool for me to do this becuase i am xyz thus i have to do this mean look at this person who is xyz like me and is cool! this is such a perfect spiral i mean if thre is a tool for marketing or capitlism . i know poeple have to have these heros jounerys but there cant just be some blank boot leg hero they have to be a puerto rican hero who still does all the same shit just in differnt ways and is just the same fucking thing. after writing this i feel mor and moer that race is so much more artifical than it orgianlly was. that it is like some wheel to control the masses with. and cool is an ascept of it .cool is just as much of a wheel if not the same one as cool.